So I Thought
by Naiya vi Britainia
Summary: My version of what happens after Eli tells Clare about his dead ex. She's convinced she can help him through the pain, even if it causes her own. Can Adam and Clare really help Eli, or do his scars run too deep? Eclare :


**So I Thought**

**Alrighty, well this is my very first Degrassi Fanfic. :) So don't hate too much.**  
**I hope you enjoy and please review! If I suck, and you don't tell me, then how am I supposed to get better at writing? lol**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing... So don't sue. Very much appreciated.**

-  
Chapter 1. Ignorance is Bliss

_Clare's POV_

Sitting in a hearse in the middle of the Degrassi parking lot, I couldn't believe what just came out of Eli Goldsworthy's mouth.

"You... killed your girl...?" my question dying as I saw a look of pure torment cross his face. No wonder he had distanced himself after our kiss. But the meaning of those words finally dawned on me. Eli was a murderer? He brushed his raven black hair out of his face and stared at the steering wheel.

"We got into an argument. I said things... horrible things that I shouldn't have. So she left, in the middle of the night on her bike. Little did I know that I would get a call only five hours later," Eli said, his voice reeking of bitter sadness.

"It was all my fault. She got hit by a car on her way home. Smashed against the asphalt all because I couldn't let a silly little argument go. So everyday, I remind myself that I don't deserve to be happy. I don't deserve friends or the chance to live, because all of that was taken from Julia in an instant. But most of all, I don't deserve a second chance at love. I don't deserve you Clare."

I was taken aback at his words. Not deserve me? He was much too good for me. For him to have bottled all of this up inside...

"You can't think like that," I almost whisper,"because it's not your fault. It could have happenned to anybody. You can't just make yourself miserable because of it. What about your family? Your friends? We care about you, and you can't keep blaming yourself for something you didn't do." All the while I said this, Eli sat there shaking his head.

"Don't you get it, Clare? I made her go! I told her to leave! If it weren't for me,  
she wouldn't have been riding out at night. SHE WOULD STILL BE ALIVE!". He realized he was screaming at this point and apologized.

"This is why I can't get close to you Clare... At least, not yet. I just can't seem to forgive myself...". I nodded wordlessly, giving him a sad smile.

"I'm glad you finally told me. It's nice to understand, because this isn't going to go away by itself, Eli. Your going to need our help. Adam and I, we understand." And with that, Eli and I got out his hearse and walked to class together.

_The Next Day_

"So did Eli told you about.. well, you know..." asked Adam looking slightly uncomfortable.

"Yes, he told about his ex, and it was his fault even though it wasn't."

"Oh good. I was tired of keeping it a secret," said a relieved Adam. "I told him you deserved to know, but of he waits foreverrr to listen to me." We were whispering in the back of their Advanced English class while Eli waited in line to get their Romeo and Juliet grade. I tucked my hair behind my ear and whispered to Adam,

"I can't believe he's been hurting all this time and neither of you told me. It's up to us now to make sure he knows he's not alone in this."

"Don't worry, I'm not going to go off on myself or anything. I already tried that, and failed, as you can see." Adam and I looked up to see Eli staring down at them smirking, with his eyes lit with amusement.

"I... uh.. um, I... Sorry," I managed to stutter out.

Eli chuckled darkly, "It's okay. Look, we got an A on our video. I wasn't aware you tried to change the ending though, Clare-Bear," smiling as he saw the distaste of that nickname flash on my face. "Juliet dumps Romeo?"

"Well, I wasn't exactly happy with guys when I tried to change it. But Mrs. Dawes wouldn't let me" I blushed at the thought of what actually did make it onto the video. _No_, I thought_, it doesn't matter. He isn't ready for that._  
-

Several Days Later

"I am NOT a GIRL!" yelled Adam and he punched Fitz in the gut and knocked him onto the ground.  
Eli took immediate action and grabbed Adam's small shoulders and held him back.

"I don't need you help," he snapped.

"You're gonna pay for that! After fifth period, parking lot, you and me," Fitz managed to get out while trying to regain his breath.

"Oh yeah? Bring it." And he walked away. Eli immediately found me and told of the soon-to-be disaster. The end of fifth period was almost upon us when we found Adam punching a bag in the weight room. The look on his face face was of pure determination. He actually thought he could beat Fitz.

"You guys come to cheer me on?" Adam said while continuing to punch the poor bag.

"Not quite. We came to try and talk you out of it."

"No way. Fitz messed with me. I want to make him hurt." I looked at him, hoping he could see the concern in my eyes.

"Ghandi said 'an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind'." Adam looked at me for a moment and hesitated. But then the bell rang for everyone to go to fifth period or to go to their exam.

"I have to do this." And with that he left.

"We have to stop him."

"And how do you suppose we do that?"

"What, no crazy ingenious plan to save him from getting killed?" Eli looked at me and started backing her into a small corner in the weight room, his body almost touching mine.

"I don't have a solution for everything you know," he whispered into my right ear, the warmth of his breath traveling down my neck and sending a shiver down my spine. All time seemed to stop as we stared at each other, not a single coherant thought crossing my mind.

"I-I... I know that." I could barely resist the urge to cup his face into my hands and touch his lips to mine Apparently, ELi was feeling the same way, because he started to bring my face closer to his. He kissed my, softly at first, but still enough to make my heart flutter like a hummingbird. Then the kiss began to become more and more passionate.

But then Eli broke away. "I'm sorry, that was uncalled for." But even as he said this, I could see the emotion in his eyes.

"It's totally okay. We should probably go help Adam." I looked away, knowing that if I continued to look into his shining emerald eyes, I would not be able to resist him. So I headed for the door. Little did I know, Eli thought to himself at that very moment, _Only I could screw that up._  
-

Yay! I finished the first chapter! Review! And tell me if you want me to continue. Don't worry I really don't plan on following the storyline much from here on. Anddd tell me if you have any questons, just review, haha,  
and ask. I know the time stuff is weird because I'm not sure at allll the time that passes between episodes. I mightttt do a version of the A Night In Vegas dance butI'm not sure yet. Like I've said two other times, REVIEW, because they are my inspiration to keep writing. :P

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Thanks!

Naiya Vi Britainia


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